I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Randomize
