Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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