Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
