I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
too bad you live with your parents still
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm too high and old for this...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
