he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
