he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
