I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
