8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
