I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
