Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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