Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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