it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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