What did we do last night that was yellow?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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