All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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