you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
