I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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