Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
3 2 1 whiskey
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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