Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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