i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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