Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
