I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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