She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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