Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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