That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
