He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
