Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
