Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
