ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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