At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
