I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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