he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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