What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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