I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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