I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
