she looked like the before picture.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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