I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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