I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
