Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
