I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
