bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize