tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
