got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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