I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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