I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize