He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
