I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
