He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
