So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
