I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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