i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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