First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
