i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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