so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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