so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
