I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
