Porn is love you can see.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
