It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm both gender and math confused
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize