My room smells like vodka and shame
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
