I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
