Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
