you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
