There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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