don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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