omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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