The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
