nut hugger
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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