the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
