i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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