Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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