around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
