Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
