My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
