And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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