Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
