Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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