he wants to bone in the snuggie
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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