the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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