i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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